Introduction
Speak not, lie hidden, and conceal
the way you dream, the things you feel.
Deep in your spirit let them rise
akin to stars in crystal skies
that set before the night is blurred:
delight in them and speak no word.
How can a heart expression find?
How should another know your mind?
Will he discern what quickens you?
A thought once uttered is untrue.
Dimmed is the fountainhead when stirred:
drink at the source and speak no word.
Live in your inner self alone
within your soul a world has grown,
the magic of veiled thoughts that might
be blinded by the outer light,
drowned in the noise of day, unheard...
take in their song and speak no word.
Me
I am
-Madhu-
Age of
-89-
Loves
-Ancient history, anthropology, dinosaurs, cryptozoology, serial killers, neurofibromatosis, LOST!, Bones, How I met Your Mother, The Nanny, Monk etc-
Hates
-Not having a job and being a slob-
Dreams
-No space to put them all in-
underline bold italics
Friday, June 13, 2008
After 99 posts, going back to read the post I wrote more than 3 years ago sometime in 2004 when I started this blog makes me feel funny. I dunno about physical growth (at least Geeva thinks I grew or Divya shrunk :P, God bless him for that!), but I sounded amazingly so immature then. So hopeful and somewhat optimistic.
So, after these 99 posts, I wonder how exactly I've 'grown' in the past three years. Back then I belonged to the notoriously infamous 1/03, I'm sure everyone would agree. Well, we had so much drama in the happening and were never very bonded but it was quite okay really. I remember I had boy-cut hair then and we had 1 crazy teacher, Ms Sally Wong, one scary teacher, Ms Agnes Lim and nice one Mrs Loh and my No.1 enemy Miss Ou.
Ah, thinking about it, externally life hasn't changed much. The teachers are still uniquely and peculiarly BAD (grossest understatement of the year). Though I have more friends compared to then, I still have my friends from then. The conflicts are still around (BIGGER AND BADDER) and academically, I am still floundering. My current class is still notorious but in a more favourable way (thankfully! :)) I still watch with much passion, LOST! :)
But inwardly, I feel that I sound, at least in this blog, very different from the sec 1 Madhu. I've had three great transformations in my life. One from P2 to P3, which was MAJOR. Another from P6-sec 1, which Nikhita still marvels about whenever we catch up. The first two were dramatic. The people who knew me then would probably not recognise me at all, though I honestly look pretty much the same. From quiet to slightly talkative to actually really QUITE talkative. And whether I have grown or not, my workload has experienced considerable growth.
However, through RGS, I really learned to reflect alot. Whether I truly improved as a person, that's questionable but I have kept rethinking about my actions constantly. Of course, I am far from perfect but my hope is that this growth wil never stagnate. There was this phase, where I was super emo and lock myself up and cry in my room a lot. Mostly because of my parents. My relatives in India always thought of me as the anti-social child and the fact I don't like some of them does not help at all. My aunt once told me that she thought I was a depressed child (that's rephrasing it in a really nice way). And worst of all, my own sister was confident I was gonna grow up to be like my father if I didn't change for the better. Worse still, I believed that I was going to be extremely socially inept and angry (I had a bad temper too!) when I grew up. And like most other teenagers, I wanted to be nothing like my parents despite the high biological inevitability and probability of that prospect.
I'd like to think that I've totally changed since then but to be honest, the change is still in process. I mean, I am definitely not a social butterfly. I still need to like a person and know her/him quite well before I can converse with them. I don't cry that much, my tear ducts have been pretty inactive for the past few months but my relationship with my parents isn't very great either. The best thing is that I am not as ashamed of myself anymore, I think.
P.S: Sorry to all those who read this blog for having crafted such a long post. I started and couldn't stop rambling after that. Thank you all for being such AWESOME people who have helped me in one way or another (I say this confidently because I kinda know who reads this blog). :D And. I really didn't like Kungfu Panda. :(
The End
10:19 pm
